Khandro Thrinlay Choron is a spiritual teacher of Buddhism and has a lineage of great Buddhist masters and heads. She was born in Lahaul, Himachal Pradesh on 10th July 1967 to mother Sangyum Urgyen Chodon. Khando-la’s family holds a Drugpa lineage with Togden Shakya Shri as her great-grandfather, a realized master and her father Apo Rinpoche who was responsible for reviving the Drukpa lineage in Lahoul, Ladakh, Manali, Zanskar and Pangey and was also the first Dharma teacher to teach western students.  Being born in a strong spiritual family she was trained since childhood in the practices of Vajrayana Buddhism and was trained under great Tibetan masters like late Gegen Khyentse Rinpoche, a master of the Six Yogas of Naropa and Mahamudra and late Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, the greatest Tibetan Buddhist master of the modern era. She has also practiced in solitary retreat in the mountains of Nepal, at Tato Pani Bhakang under the guidance of Sengdrak Rinpoche.

She along with all the traditional and spiritual education that she got since childhood, vis-a-vis she has had western education as well. She studied in a Catholic boarding school in Kullu, Himachal Pradesh after which she perused her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Punjab University Chandigarh. In 1998, she graduated with an M.A. in East-West Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies, San Francisco, USA.

In 1998, Khandro-la married His Holiness the 9th Shabdrung Ngawang Jigme, but unfortunately in 2003, he passed away. Khandro-la derives her current title through her marriage to Shabdrung Rinpoche. Right now Khando-la is travelling outside India to give spiritual discourses. One of her aims is to support the training of women and guide them in spiritual practices.

Q. What is the difference between your culture and that of western people?

When I go to the west I see so many things, the way they look at life is so materialistic, everything is squeezed in one lifetime as they don’t believe in Karma and results. But we as a Buddhist we believe in Karma we have so many levels to look at life. As ordinary life is full of surprises, sometimes your own loved ones turn out to be your enemy in your own family then you don’t have an answer to it, but if you look at it through a mental awareness everything changes, you don’t feel stagnant about your own problems.  So when I teach in the west, the more I go there the more I appreciate my own culture. That very important to know why we appreciate our culture, why is it different, because we have so many ways to view our life.

Q. Why did you study western psychology and how do you relate it with spiritualism?

Well, I didn’t study psychology because we (Buddhism) lack something and I need to see something new. I went there to know, ‘what is the modern world about? Where are we stuck? Why do we have to surrender to such materialistic world? So I got so many answers studying western psychology and there is so much that we can give to western psychology. Buddhist teaching has such broader perspective. When I go to conferences I see that the western world, the materialistic world is gaining a lot from our spiritual teachings, even in the field of psychology they are using mindfulness, meditation in a scientific way but it’s not enough.

The materialism cannot give enough because it’s just a limited view so we in Buddhism we can see layers and layers of our conditioned mind and look into so many deeper perspective. So I feel that we have a lot to give but before we give we need to know what we have, isn’t it? Because the superficial world is so fascinating with the material world but when you really go there you see that so much is lacking in there, so the west has made me even go deeper into my own culture. So, I have decided that I will dedicate the rest of my life to something deeper which will benefit this modern world and we have to know the modern world in order to know what to give it.

Talking about the relation between the two I’d say both psychology and spiritualism is in a way study of mind.  But the mind that psychology is trying to work on is a very small mind compared to the mind in Buddhism. Psychology talks about the mind which is a desire oriented mind, but if the same mind is put into spiritualism we can be an enlightened being which is the answer to life.
 
Q. Since when were you started to be pulled by spiritualism?

Since I was very small. When I saw my father, Apo Rinpoche, dying I couldn’t believe it. I just felt that people took him away from me and then there was a question in my mind about life and death was the biggest trigger. As a child, I didn’t know much about spiritualism and there was confusion within me because I studied in a Catholic school. Then my mum died and I would think to myself ‘why do people die? Who is my real mother because if she is my mother she should be with me all the time? Who am I? Where do I belong really?’ A questioning mind is a great mind and in Dharma, I have found answers to those questions. My mother helped me a lot by making me receive my first teaching from one of the great master Gen Khentsey and she said, “You are going to do Nondro (which mean a hundred thousand prostrations),” and she used to wake me up at 3 in the morning which was difficult at the beginning but slowly I have learned that and now I am so happy that at a very young age I did all these practices. I was 18 years old then. It’s very hard work practically to learn meditation, it’s not like you have to learn only intellectually. It helped me to ground my mind and understand deeper.

Q.  I have read and heard that you do a lot of charity work for women and nuns. Are you a feminist?

I am a feminist but I have been to the west and I have studied western feminism but I couldn’t really connect there because they are very aggressive. They seem to want a fight against the men. I think a woman’s quality is to bring compassion; we are the ground of compassion. Women are beautiful as they are, they don’t need to change. I feel that women have become aggressive, masculine because of the society it demands. I don’t think you have to be a feminist by becoming like a man, you can be women and support women to bring the beauty, the settle, the nurturing qualities, and we are losing that.

While growing up I was hurt a lot as I felt objectified at various instances like everybody in the family just wants you to marry and they never had faith in me that I could do something for the lineage like I am doing now. This is how our culture is, objectifying women. When I went to America I felt so free and thought now I can express myself and I started to take feminist classes and I wrote all the negative things about our own culture. But when I looked at myself in the Buddhist perspective I thought I was wrong, my attitude being a feminist was all based on anger. So I realized that anger is a poison, I am projecting myself on that poison. Gradually I started to turn to psychology rather than feminism which helped me a lot.  To be a feminist one should really see if you are coming from the grounds of feminine principle to work for women. So I work for women as well in a very subtle way, that’s why nobody knows me here, though I have been to Ladakh so many times. (Laughs)

Q. Do you believe that there is gender bias in Buddhism?

If I talk from a Vajrayana point of view, in the essence there is no gender bias. The masculine and feminine are equally important, they are like two wings of a bird. But culturally over the years, since spiritual being is impacted by our culture, and moreover we live in this relative world of human beings, bias is always there. And in the monastic places also the nuns are not given the education. Recently I have been working a lot with nuns and if they are given the opportunity they are better than monks and now Rinpoches agree with it.

I feel like I am a feminist because when nuns used to come to study they never had a proper place to stay, they simply worked as labours though they were very keen towards learning everything Dharma had to offer but were never given all as some of the teachings were never revealed to them for some reason and as a child I was very outspoken, and I used to go fight with Rinpoche for the nuns. I also used to argue with my teachers regarding gender bias and I used to say that why do we have ‘mother like sentient beings’ in our Buddhist text and still you are cruel to us, though every text in Dharma starts with mother rather than father and if the text shows if mother who is also a woman is so important than why don’t we get the same opportunity? So, I think it’s the male-dominated society which is affecting the religious practice but the bias is never in the teaching itself. If you look at the history you will see so many women who got enlighten, even in Zanskar when I went there someone told me there was a nunnery there in which all the nun got enlighten. So, why not, if women are given opportunity they have it in them.

Q. What are the challenges do you think a woman faces if they want to turn completely towards religion or spiritualism, like a nun or being a laywoman like you?

There are many challenges. To be a nun you have to sacrifice lot of things physically as well as mentally, you don’t belong to yourself anymore, you belong to a community or a greater cause so it’s beautiful. As a human our ego is so strong and when you start living in a nunnery you have to learn to live in a community, you have to learn to be there for others which bring lot of qualities in you but at the same time you don’t have time for yourself to do as you like and you don’t have any luxury and you always have to guard your mind against the flashy superficial world. Becoming a nun or monk is not about dressing like one, it’s your mind which has to be transformed. For a laywoman like me, I had strong attachments too but now I have learned the pettiness of the material world and now find joy doing for others. I Feel to practice true Buddhism it’s not important to become a nun unless you really want to, your mind should be pure and determined. 
 

Message to the readers

Ladakh is beautiful, there is a lot we have here. I think it’s time to value our own heritage our own roots and deepen your understanding of your own tradition not only intellectually but from the heart. We shouldn’t follow things blindly. Since I have been around the world, there is nothing out there without having your own roots so it’s important to strengthen your roots and then enjoy the rest of the world, otherwise you are going to lose yourself.  Ladakh should be an example of a great spiritual community since Tibet cant. Our ancestors have worked very hard to make this place a spiritual community so the new generation should try and preserve that, we can add different modern things to it but the root should be kept alive at the same time.